Being a mother of two toddler boys, the past three and a half years have been a whirlwind of experiences, emotions, and activity. In today's modern India, any pregnant woman or new mother is inundated with free, often uninvited, advice from family, neighbours, friends, co-workers, the person next to you on the train, and anyone at all. I'm sure everyone means well, but it does tend to get to you after a while. I mean, you're already feeling all these new and different things and trying to deal with them, and on top of that you have to listen to all this from people. I'm not saying that one shouldn't be listening, some of this free advice does turn out to be very helpful in the end.
Things that I took note of and think are worth sharing... (yes, here I go with my free advice now... I'm one of THEM!)
- First and most important... NEVER let your mother (or anyone else) nag you!! Obviously she is more experienced in being a mother than you are! And obviously, she's done a great job at it! But hey, you live in a different world than she did when she was a new mom. I mean, you have your maternal instincts too. Also, there have been tons of medical advances since then, so what she faced during her delivery may not be like what you go through during yours. So listen to everything that she has to say, but think about it a little before you implement it.
- This is something that a very good friend, who also happens to be a paediatrician, told me.. She said "No matter what, enjoy your baby!" I was asking her all these questions about my new baby and why he behaved the way he did, etc. She told me that every baby is so different and that I shouldn't worry about it and make sure I enjoy every experience as far as possible. If the baby is cranky, you really will not know the reason why.. try different ways to comfort her, play it by ear, try to figure out what your baby likes best. It worked very well for me... She also told me to "sing to your baby, he will love it." I still do... I don't know if they like it, but they don't complain too much!!
- If you are happy, your baby will be happy. The baby can feel what you feel... so the time that you're tired, sleepy and irritated, that's the time that your baby is the crankiest! Its a rule!! Its really tough to be calm at such moments, but try.. have patience.
- NEVER EVER ever compare your baby with someone else's. And NEVER EVER let anyone else compare your baby with someone else's. So what if some random relative's baby started to talk when she was 9 months old, or was potty trained at 7 months!! Good for her! Your baby will probably know the alphabet backward by the time he's 15 months old.. who knows! Each baby takes their own time.. and they all come around eventually. My two sons are the exact opposite of each other. Its amazing how two children, who have the same parents and are growing up in the exact same environment, can be so different. The older one was saying words like "absolutely" and "Utkarsh", articulately, when he was 18 months old. The younger one is now 18 months and he barely says a few words like "Mummy", "Daddy", "Dada", etc.
- Take care of yourself. Make sure that you're strong enough to take care of your baby. Even if it means that you have to eat your dinner before anyone else, or eat more than anyone else.
- Try to spend some time for yourself. Its tough, but find an hour and go shopping.. or for a drive.. or for a coffee with a friend. It sure is very refreshing.
- Go back to work as soon as you can. People will tell you that you must spend all your time with your baby, or that your baby needs you more than anything, or that you are very selfish to be going back to work. Ask those same people to come back to you when in less than 6 years, your child will begin to go to school for a long time of the day, and want to spend more time with their friends than with you. What will you do then? Your career would have passed you by, your children will be old enough not to be completely dependent on you.. what then? Unless, of course, you have an alternative and can take a break for x years! I do know one lady (a very lucky lady) who went back to doing a full-time job after a long break (some 9-10 years). She is a rare example.
- The baby's father is a parent too... he has half the share of the baby, so he'd better share half the work with you. A lot of Indian daddies of today are very hands-on and involved with bringing up their babies (as they should be), but still a large number are not. Well... we know you work really hard all day, and you're tired and need rest to wake up and go back to work tomorrow, and all that... but hey... we work hard enough as well, we could do with a hand. She's as much your baby as she is mine. You'll probably end up missing all the best moments of being a parent! Its very important that daddies get used to washing the baby's bottom or feeding them. My husband will vouch for the fact that he has had some of the best experiences ever, as a completely hands-on dad.
I could go on about this!! But in closing, all I can say is that everyone's experiences are so different, and that I've been really, really lucky all these years!
Labels: motherhood, parenting
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